"Erm, what is the actual scale of this map, Darling?"

Captain Kevin Darling, MC and General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay Melchett, VC, KCB, DSO

Melchett         Course I am.  Now let's talk about something more jolly,

                 shall we?  Look, this is the amount of land we've

                 recaptured since yesterday.

[Melchett and George move over to the map table.]

George           Oh, excellent.

Melchett         Erm, what is the actual scale of this map, Darling?

Darling          Erm, one-to-one, Sir.

Melchett         Come again?

Darling          Er, the map is actually life-size, Sir.  It's superbly

                 detailed.  Look, look, there's a little worm.

Melchett         Oh, yes.  So the actual amount of land retaken is?

[Darling whips out a tape measure and measures the table.]

Darling          Excuse me, Sir.  Seventeen square feet, Sir.

Melchett         Excellent.  So you see, young Blackadder didn't die horribly

                 in vain after all.

George           If he did die, Sir.

Darling          Tch!

Melchett         That's the spirit, George.  If nothing else works, then a

                 total pig-headed unwillingness to look facts in the face

                 will see us through.