Private S. Baldrick, Captain Edmund Blackadder and Captain Manfred Albrecht Freiherr von Richthofen, Der Rote Kampfflieger.
keys, the cell door opens and the Red Baron enters.]
von Richthoven So! I am the Red Baron von Richthoven and you are the two
English flying aces responsible for the spilling of the
precious German blood of many of my finest and my
blondest friends. I have waited many months to do this.
[von Richthoven kisses BA on both cheeks.]
BA You may have been right, Balders. Looks like we're going
to get rogered to death after all.
Baldrick Do you want me to go first, Sir?
[von Richthoven laughs.]
von Richthoven You English and your sense of humour. During your brief
stay I look forward to learning more of your wit, your
punning and your amusing jokes about the breaking of the wind.
BA Well, Baldrick's the expert there.
Baldrick I certainly am, Sir.
[von Richthoven laughs.]
von Richthoven How lucky you English are to find the toilet so amusing.
For us, it is a mundane and functional item. For you, the
basis of an entire culture.
[Baldrick laughs, von Richthoven slaps him in the face.]
von Richthoven I must now tell you of the full horror of what awaits you.
BA Ah, you see, Balders. Dress it up in any amount of pompous
verbal diarrhoea, and the message is `Squareheads down for
the big Boche gang-bang'.
von Richthoven As an officer and a gentleman, you will be looking forward
to a quick and noble death.
BA Well, obviously.
von Richthoven But, instead, an even worse fate awaits you. Tomorrow, you
will be taken back to Germany . . .
BA Here it comes!
von Richthoven . . . to a convent school, outside Heidelberg, where you will
spend the rest of the war teaching the young girls home
economics.
BA Er . . .
von Richthoven For you, as a man of honour, the humiliation will be
unbearable.
BA Oh, I think you'll find we're tougher than you imagine.
von Richthoven Ha! I can tell how much you are suffering by your long
faeces.
BA We're not suffering too much to say `thank you'. Thank you.
Say `thank you', Baldrick.
Baldrick Thank you, Baldrick.
4 comments:
These are so good Martin, I have enjoyed every post. I need to add a von Richthoven to my collection, where did you find him?
The Red Baron is from Woodbine Designs (although Scarab do one as well with his dog). This is the link:
https://www.grippingbeast.co.uk/TWDCSP01_The_red_Baron_and_Chums_3--product--4089.html
Thank you, another one added to the 'must have' list.
Such fun posts Martin, that's not to take away from the great work on the models btw, but I'm getting a right old giggle from them :)
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