Setting Jhamjarhistan Ablaze - Part the Sixth

At Djeli Palace, things were taking a sinister tone for Chippy Minton, one might even go as far as to say that Chippy was in a very sticky situation indeed. Minton was in the stickiest situation he’d known, ever since Sticky the Stick Insect got stuck on a sticky bun. Chippy was ostensibly on ‘shooting leave’ from his regiment, the West Borsetshire Foresters. This was a euphemism used by the British to describe officers unofficially poking about in countries where they were not necessarily welcome. The British had always feared the Russian threat to the Raj and officers on ‘shooting leave’ were quite often, players in the Great Game, spying on Russian activity beyond the borders of Afghanistan and Persia in Central Asia.

Chippy Minton had entered Jhamjarhistan in the hope of discovering what was happening there. There was obviously a Bolshevik threat to Jhamjarhistan itself and currently, so Chippy had heard, Djelibad was providing a haven for White Russians eager to continue their fight against the Bolos.

Unfortunately for Chippy, he was not quite the full jar of Marmite and had had no training whatsoever in undercover work, being a simple subaltern at heart. The Emir’s secret police, the Djelibad Palace Guard had picked him up in the Gummy Souk and taken him to the Palace dungeons for questioning.

Questioning in the Palace dungeons was the province of Appah Rao, a huge Jetti from Mysore. The Jettis are a superior caste of professional wrestlers and gymnasts. In their origins, in the days of the Rājas of Tanjore, they were employed in guarding the treasury and jewel rooms. Now they are sometimes employed as executioners and despatch their victims by a twist of the neck, or if the condemned man or woman has committed a particularly heinous crime (such as entering the Emir’s zenana), pounding large nails into the prisoners' heads using only their bare hands.

Appah Rao

Appah Rao did not speak English and so the questions were asked by Sanfran Cisko-Bey, a renegade from the Turkish secret police, the Teşkilât-ı Mahsusa. They had originally entered Khiva in the employ of Enver Pasha. Seeing no future in the Basmachis who Enver Pasha had taken up with, they looked for more gainful and lucrative employment and found it in Jhamjarhistan with the Emir’s Palace Guard. When Cisko-Bey felt that the prisoner was being less than truthful, he indicated to Appah Rao who applied some nasty pressure to various sensitive parts of Chippy’s anatomy.

Sanfran Cisko-Bey

“So, Mr. Minton, what are you doing in Jhamjarhistan?” enquired Cisko-Bey. “Actually, it’s Lieutenant Minton, West Borsetshire Foresters, old boy and I’m here for a spot of shooting, don’t you know” replied Chippy. Cisko-Bey indicated to the Jetti and Chippy struggled to maintain a stiff upper lip as the torture continued. This was far worse than being bullied at Greyfriars School when that dreadful swine Horace Coker, had forced his bare buttocks against the school boiler after Chippy had burnt his crumpets, when he was fagging for Coker.

Horace Coker

“Now come, Mr. Minton” continued Cisko-Bey, laying an insulting emphasis on the ‘Mr’, “we know you are here in search of the Jīn de Guǒjiàng Guàn de Nián Shén. You might as well admit it and save yourself a lot of pain”. “I’m after the whoosit? The whatchamacallit? I’m sorry old stick, I don’t follow your lingo at all, I’m right up the Ranygazoo, sans paddle here”, feeling a little discomnoculated, Chippy was not at his best. Having your family jewels crushed by a giant Jetti, tends to put a bit of a damper on your day, whoever you are. “In English, the Jīn de Guǒjiàng Guàn de Nián Shén would roughly translate as the Golden Jhamjarh of Sticky Gods a legendary and very powerful artefact”, pressed Cisko-Bey. “We know you cursed Britishers seek it’s power for yourselves, the Emir Of Jhamjarhistan is all-knowing”, continued the Turk. At that moment, the Emir Of Jhamjarhistan himself chose to enter the dungeon to see what progress his minions had made.

Faqir Al Djelibeybi

Faqir Al Djelibeybi, the Emir was a powerful looking man. At the tender age of thirteen, he had been sent by his father, the previous Emir to Saint Petersburg to gain a military education. In 1896 he returned to Djelibad and assisted in the ruling of Jhamjarhistan until his father’s death in 1910.

Upon mounting the throne, Faqir continued to receive tribute from the people of Jhamjarhistan in the form of bribes and taxes. He also received a rake-off from the salaries paid to court officials. Very much a traditional ruler in the style of his father, definitely a chip off the old block. Opponents of his rule were generally publicly whipped and then exiled.

In March 1918 activists of the Free Jhamjarhistan Movement contacted the Bolshevik government in Moscow and stated that the Jhamjarhistanis were ready for revolution and that the people were awaiting liberation from the Emir. The Red Army subsequently marched to the very gates of Djelibad and demanded that the Emir surrender the city to the Free Jhamjarhistan Movement . The Emir in a towering rage, responded by killing the Bolshevik delegation, along with several hundred Russian supporters of the Bolsheviks in Jhamjarhistan and the surrounding territories. The majority of Jhamjarhistanis did not support a foreign invasion and the ill-equipped and ill-disciplined Bolshevik army fled back to the Soviet stronghold at Tashkent.

This then, was the man who strode into Chippy’s dungeon and glared at him,  piercing eyes glittering beneath a great beetling brow.

To be continued...