Nobody expects.....

Animated titles. Music: Black Dyke Mills Band playing a slow dirge.

Stock shot of mill town at the turn of the century - at night.

SUBTITLE: 'JARROW - NEW YEAR'S EVE 1911'

SUBTITLE: 'JARROW 1912'

Mix through to mill-owner's opulent sitting room at the turn of the century. Lady Mountback sits with her crochet. There is a knock on the door.

Lady Mountback Come in.

Enter Reg, cap in hand.

Reg Trouble at mill.

Lady Mountback Oh no. What sort of trouble?

Reg One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treddle.

Lady Mountback Pardon?

Reg One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treddle.

Lady Mountback I don't understand what you're saying.

Reg (slightly irritatedly and with exaggeratedly clear accent) One of the cross beams has gone out askew on the treddle.

Lady Mountback Well what on earth does that mean?

Reg I don't know. Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

Jarring chord. The door flies open and Cardinal Ximinez of Spain enters, flanked by two junior cardinals. Cardinal Biggles has goggles pushed over his forehead. Cardinal Fang is just Cardinal Fang.

Ximinez Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our four...no... amongst our weapons.... amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again. (exit and exeunt)

The Governor!

Finally the Governor of Islas de Pasaje de Vuelta makes an appearance. The Governor is none other than Sir Frobisher Fotheringay-Featherstonhaugh. He has just taken delivery on the quayside of his new mobile strong-box, straight off the boat from Bristol. I wonder if this might be the target of future raids by nefarious pirates? He is currently addressing the lugubrious Mr. Jaggers, "Well Jaggers, what do you think of me new cart, eh?". Mr. Jaggers is the Governor's legal advisor and as such, he makes important decisions such as how much of the Island taxes can Sir Frobisher help himself to without getting caught. Naturally, Mr. Jaggers has already helped himself to a small percentage as well, for administrative costs, you understand? Carson hovers in the background, deferentially awaiting any requests his lord and master may make.

A Mysterious Prisoner and Others

Seen here from left to right we have Charles Carson, a mysterious prisoner, Old Scrotingsack and Madame Moulay. See below for more detail.

Carson (as he is referred to by the Governor) is the Governor's Majordomo and maintains order in Government House. No-one knows anything about the mysterious prisoner in the iron mask. He is kept in solitary confinement in the cells at Fuerte Indigestión, under constant watch of a detachment of Royal Marines under the command of a certain Captain Flack. Scrotingsack is the personal servant of Captain Teatime Snapcase and presents an ancient and wrinkled appearance. He is totally loyal to the Captain, even if somewhat put-upon. Madame Moulay is in fact a soucouyant, she looks like an old crone by day but at night she is said to shed her skin and suck the blood of her victims.

The three figures on the left were painted for the pirate game, Madame Moulay has been abducted from my stalled Witchfinder project.

Sir Charles Hawtrey

This is Sir Charles Hawtrey, close friend and confidante of the Governor of Islas de Pasaje de Vuelta. He has just returned from the Cayman Islands and had a bit of a rough passage in El Pasaje Ventoso, the straits which lead back to Islas de Pasaje de Vuelta. Something of a dandy, Sir Charles has a dubious reputation amongst the flesh-pots of George Town.

The Town Watch

My pirate game will be set in a fictitious chain of small islands called Islas de Pasaje de Vuelta (Islands of the Back Passage). These islands will be located in the vicinity of the Cayman Islands.

The Governor of said islands has instituted a Town Watch to try and cut down on the lawlessness and violence that takes place every night in the major town. The Watchmen are very proud of their smart uniforms and have to be a very tough breed. However, they are not above taking a bribe to look the other way if the bribe is big enough!

L to R: Watchman Carrot Ironfoundersson, Apprentice Watchman Reginald Shoe, Watch Commander Samuel Vimes, Watchman Cecil Wormsborough St. John "Nobby" Nobbs and Watchman Fred Colon.

More scenery...

A few more bits for the game...

Captain Teatime Snapcase

I present my pirate captain for this year's big game, Captain Teatime Snapcase and his son, 'Bluebottle' Snapcase, The Saucy Strumpet's powder monkey. Not forgetting Errol Flynn the parrot!

I think we are going to have four six-man units for each force. These are my Sea Dogs, a very scurvy and salty crew!

Pirate Scenery

I've been working on a few bits of pirate scenery. Obviously, many barrels of rum are required. This is for a big game later in the year. More of this in future posts!