AAR - 'On the Day, Went the Eagle's Landing Well?' - Part 1

THE OPENING MOVES

With the issuing of the aforementioned orders, the game was afoot. In the photo below you can see the start positions. Bottom right is the Luftwaffe who had to link up with the Black Shorts top right behind the house with the red roof (Dame Edith FitzPilchard’s house). The Kriegsmarine situated top left, having disembarked from their narrow boat had to meet up with the 5^th Column, pictured here bottom left behind the Old Mill. All figures were free to move as they wished with the proviso that the Kriegsmarine and the Luftwaffe would be fired upon by the British if sighted as they were in uniform. The Black Shorts and the 5^th Column could move with impunity until some form of offensive act was committed, then that group could come under fire. Both Axis players chose to use this advantage and it was some time before the groups revealed themselves.

A view up Piddling Street showing the Square. A Maplins bus waiting forlornly to transport happy campers to Joe Maplin’s latest venture.

The Kriegsmarine boys take a ‘selfie’ with a view of Much-Piddling in the background.

Prince Phillip and entourage have arrived at Snapcase Hall and the Prince is greeted by Captain Lord Snapcase. Lady Bracknell from the Much-Piddling Women’s Institute is about to be introduced. Sir Douglas D’Emfore, MP for Mid-Devon arrives in his Austin 7 driven by his bodyguard, Sergeant V. A. G’Bond.

The Luftwaffe move out from behind the Cricket Pavilion having decided to open the batting. Led here by Steiner.

The 5^th Column start to move out from behind the Mill.

The Black Shorts move unhindered past Futtock’s Garage trying to meet up with the Luftwaffe.

Meanwhile, unaware of the impending danger, the sterling chaps of the Much-Piddling Home Guard have been left to their own devices whilst their incompetent leader entertains minor royalty in the Hall. Barliman Butterbur is serving pasties and scrumpy from his Mobile Pasty Unit, hence the NAAFI van is not doing much business with their offering of tea and ‘stickies’. Seen here are ‘Jonesy’, Walker, Godfrey, Wilson and Pike. Private Scrotum (the Snapcase families wrinkled retainer) has his ‘battle-bowler’ on and Private Michi is in the foreground trying to get the radio to work.

There was some manoeuvering to do for the Axis and not much for the Allies at this point. However, there were one or two surprises in store for the players, of which more later.

To be continued…

The Scarlet Patrol

...and now for something completely different!

Yes, I know I should be writing the AAR for 'On the Day, Went the Eagle's Landing Well?' but for the last 5 months I've been painting WWII and I fancied a real change. I am doing the AAR but painting Mounties for a small skirmish game as well, maybe 5 or 6 a side. This will take place on the snow terrain boards which I have not used yet.

Maintiens le droit

In a World Gone Mad, Three Men Stand Alone!

To enhance the atmosphere of the game I purchased some hats so that each senile old bugger could remember which side he was on!

Photo by Doug em4.

The Embuggerance Factor

The players were briefed at the start about an embuggerance factor which I hoped would cause chaos with vehicle movements later in the game. Using a flock of Tin Shed's lovely sheep I issued the following rules for the flock's movements throughout the game.

· The sheep move first every turn

· They move 5”

· When they meet a junction, throw a direction dice or assign a d6

· When they meet the edge of the board they turn around

· They always stay on the road

· A vehicle cannot drive through them

· A pedestrian can move through the sheep at half walking pace

Photo by Doug em4

The Game is Afoot!

At the start of the game the players were handed sealed envelopes with information particular to them and their initial orders. To set the scene these are now reproduced here:

LUFTWAFFE INITIAL ORDERS

You need to make contact with Roderick Spode as a matter of the utmost urgency. Spode will direct you as to what he needs to become Reichsprotektor. Schimmel has been given a top-secret code-book to deliver to Spode. You will need to keep Müller with you as he is the only member of your crew able to speak English. Spode is thought to be in Much-Piddling, see attached aerial photograph from reconnaissance mission.

KRIEGSMARINE INITIAL ORDERS

The commander and crew of U-47 must first rendezvous with the 5th Column led by Otto Skorzeny of the SS. The 5th Column will have vital information regarding the interior of Snapcase Hall and timings of the Prince’s visit. The 5th Column are thought to be hiding out in the vicinity of the Old Mill. If sighted by the Englanders you will be fired upon as you are in uniform.

BLACK SHORTS INITIAL ORDERS

The Black Shorts led by Roderick Spode must first rendezvous with the commander and crew of Immelmann II. The crew are currently located at the Much-Piddling Cricket Club pavilion. Although the code book which the Luftwaffe are delivering is vital, you know that you also need the Ancient Charter of Piddling. To become Reichsprotektor you must have the original document in your possession. Currently, the 10th Earl of Snapcase (Captain Lord Bertram Snapcase) is the legal holder of this medieval document and is entitled to the rights and privileges therein. The charter is held in Snapcase Hall on the top floor in a safe and you must seize it. You and your Black Shorts will assist Stahl in any way he deems fit but you must stress to him the urgency of obtaining the Ancient Charter of Piddling. If sighted by the Englanders you will not be fired upon as you are in disguise although disliked by the general population. Should you commit an offensive act, this will terminate your disguise.

                                                                     Heil Spode!

5th COLUMN INITIAL ORDERS

The 5th Column led by Otto Skorzeny of the SS must first rendezvous with the commander and crew of U-47. The crew are currently located at Much-Piddling on the canal. You have vital information regarding the interior of Snapcase Hall and timings of the Prince’s visit. The Prince has now arrived and is being entertained by the fool Snapcase. The attached plan shows the ground floor. Assist Prien in whatever manner he decides as mission commander. If sighted by the Englanders you will not be fired upon as you are in disguise. Should you commit an offensive act, this will terminate your disguise.

Character Cards

I've just finished the character cards for 'On the Day, Went the Eagle's Landing Well?' They should all have a uniform pale yellow background but the bloody printer ran out of yellow ink at a crucial moment. They'll just have to do as they are.

The Shadow of War Looms Over Much-Piddling

I have set up the 'On the Day, Went the Eagle's Landing Well?' table this morning. Quite pleased with the way it looks and an improvement on the first set-up back in March this year. Various views of the table here. Yes, I know I haven't finished the pub roof, but I will before Thursday!

A Mysterious Staff Car

Not much in the way of posting recently due to construction of things like fences, canals and walls for the game. However, a mysterious staff car has been observed parked at the rear of the Snapcase Arms in Much-Piddling. Plenty of rumours but no facts have emerged as to the identity of the occupants.

DevLAM in the Desert - The Scoop

Vagabond has posted the back story to one of his games for DevLAM '18 on his blog. It's a great read, have a look at it here:

https://vagabondswargamingblog.blogspot.com/2018/11/devlam-in-desert-scoop.html?showComment=1541228097614#c6994066642547447651

On The Day, Went The Eagle’s Landing Well? (Chapter 6)

Chapter 6: Betty Slocombe Warms Her Pussy

“I’m covered in it!” announced Madeline Bassett in a rather sniffy tone. “What?” enquired ‘Stiffy’ Pinker. “Ordure, what do you think?” replied Madeline, a blush coming to her cheeks, not the sort of words a young lady was used to uttering, in private or public. “What?” repeated ‘Stiffy’ in a sharp tone. “You know,” began Madeline “feculence, egesta, do I have to spell it out for you?”. “Ah, pig poop, you mean, dear?” speculated ‘Stiffy’. “Yes, that’s it, not the sort of thing one encounters much at Totleigh Towers, Daddy simply wouldn’t stand for it,” pronounced Madeline. “Not much of a pig man, Sir Watkyn then, eh?” asked ‘Stiffy’.

It was the girl’s first day on the farm. What with the war and all that, they’d thought it rather a lark to join the Women’s Land Army. “Bit of a hoot, what!” Honoria Glossop had opined at the time. Having persuaded Madeline and ‘Stiffy’ to ‘do their bit’ and Honoria having already talked Lady Florence Craye and ‘Bobbie’ Wickham into volunteering, the girls had been outfitted and posted to Cold Comfort Farm in the parish of Much-Piddling. So far, Madeline thought, the farm was living up to its name.

Amos Starkadder had met them by the farm gate with the words “Ye’re all damned!” and it certainly looked that way to Madeline. Amos was a preacher at the Church of the Quivering Brethren in Loose-Chippings and believed in brimstone and hellfire. Madeline was beginning to miss the company of Gussie Finknottle and if one began to miss his company, then one was halfway up the Rannygazoo without a paddle!

Meanwhile, in Much-Piddling village itself, Dame Edith FitzPilchard was beginning to wish she hadn’t agreed to Bertram Snapcase’s appeal for help. With the visit of Prince Phillip and his entourage to Snapcase Hall, Bertram had wanted his ward, young Verity ‘Peaches’ Snapcase out of the way. Her mother and father had disappeared up the Limpopo some years previously (Bertram suspected it was to get away from ‘Peaches’) and Snapcase Hall seemed to be the only home for her. However, she was proving something of a trial, already expelled from St. Trinians, a rather progressive private school located just outside Steeple Bumpleigh, ‘Peaches’ was a somewhat unnerving presence around the Hall with her catapult. Dame Edith had acquiesced to Bertram’s request for help and had taken ‘Peaches’ with her to the village hall where ARP Chief Warden William Hodges was giving a lecture about ‘how to shout put that bloody light out’ as Bertram, Hodges nemesis, had referred to it.

The Much-Piddling Women’s Institute were slated to give a lecture on making jam after Hodges talk and Mrs. Mary Elizabeth Jennifer Rachel Abergavenny Slocombe, known as Betty to her friends, was worrying. “The central heating broke down last night, I had to light the oven and hold my pussy in front of it!” she’d told her friend and fellow WI member, Miss Shirley Brahms.

Not much has been said of the Black Shorts and the mysterious 5^th Column yet. They lurk in the shadows, probably the best place for people of that ilk. Suffice to say, Spode was heading for Much-Piddling having seen nothing of the promised Luftwaffe at RAF Winkleigh. Skorzeny and chums were in hiding at the old mill awaiting Prien and his crew.

And so, dear reader we leave the aforementioned dramatis personae who are now assembled to play their part in the momentous day that went down in history as “On The Day, Went The Eagle’s Landing Well?”

Friday 23^rd November will see the dénouement to this thrilling tale of everyday country folk. Till then…adieu.

The Oggie-Lorry

Half a pound of flour and lard

Makes a lovely clacker

Just enough for you and me

Gor bugger Janner

Oh how happy us'll be

When us gets to the west country

Where the oggies grow on trees

Gor bugger Janner

Now you make fast, I'll make fast

Make fast the dingy

You make fast, kiss my ass

Make fast the dingy

And we'll all go back to oggie land

To oggie land, to oggie land

And we'll all go back to oggie land

Where they cant tell sugar from

Tissue paper, tissue paper, marmalade and jam, oi

Oggie oggie oggie.......

Barliman Butterbur, the Landlord of The Earl of Snapcase public house in Much-Piddling, is supporting the Home Guard with his latest invention. Having installed an old iron range on his veteran lorry, he follows the Home Guard on manoeuvres and cooks his delicious pasties to order. Any troops fighting in the vicinity of the Much-Piddling Mobile Pasty Unit (or MPU for short) get an immediate morale boost. Barliman always has a barrel of scrumpy on the back of the Oggie-Lorry as well for light refreshments.

 

Prien's Schmales Boot!

Just finished the narrow boat on which Prien and his crew arrive at Much-Piddling.

On The Day, Went The Eagle’s Landing Well? Game Map

This is a very general map based on my set up back in March. I think Snapcase Hall may well extend more to the west now, so the farm will probably move south nearer the cricket pavilion. Things may change! Both the 5^th Column and the Black Shorts will have better information and maps for the participants once they meet up with them. Initially, neither of them will be aware of the others' presence.

On The Day, Went The Eagle’s Landing Well? (Chapter 5)

Chapter 5: Snapcase Brews Up

It was not unexpected when Snapcase had been given command of the local Home Guard. Back in May, when he heard Eden on the radio announcing the formation of the Local Defence Volunteers (later to become the Home Guard) Snapcase felt a call to arms. Having fought through the Great War on Major-General Kenwood-Chef’s staff, Bertram Wilberforce Snapcase had some experience of war at the sharp end. It wasn’t all ‘cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off’ on Kenwood-Chef’s staff. Bracegirdle Kenwood-Chef liked his staff to get out on the front line and mix it up with the Germans. Now Bertram was a little too old to serve in the regular army for this war. Truth be told, he could also be described as ‘not playing with a full deck’, or as his Aunt Dahlia used to say ’not the full jar of marmite’! Although something of a bumbling incompetent buffoon (as his uncle, General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay Melchett put it) Snapcase was the 10^th Earl of Snapcase and the local land-owner. His family could be traced right back to the battle of Agincourt where a distant ancestor had stiffened his sinews and summoned up his blood alongside King Henry V. So, it was no surprise to all and sundry in the class-conscious society that was 1940 that the local aristocrat received his commission from King George to raise a platoon of the Home Guard.

Captain Lord Snapcase was now supervising one of the most important military manoeuvres of the British Army. The Much-Piddling Home Guard lads were ‘brewing up’ and although they needed no supervision in this vital task, he was dying for a drink. Something stronger was really in order but Old Scrotum had suggested quite rightly that the mainbrace should only be spliced after the arrival of the VIPs! Snapcase had arranged for the NAAFI van to visit Snapcase Hall on the occasion of this auspicious visit by Prince Phillip. The van was parked out of sight to the rear of the Hall, ready to serve tea and sticky buns to the men whilst Prince Phillip and other assorted dignitaries would partake of smoked salmon, lobster thermidore, Pimms and Dom Perignon inside the Hall.

At that moment, Private Ted Bovis arrived carrying the Lewis gun, the pride and joy of Snapcase’s platoon. Ted had started as a Yellowcoat at Maplins Holiday Camp, located just outside Steeple Bumpleigh (although not outside enough for the residents of that idyllic village!) but was now the camp comedian. “Sir, Captain Snapcase, sir!” he shouted. “What is it, man?” the Captain enquired. “Sir, Reverend Lieutenant Pinker asked me to tell you, sir.” “What man, spit it out!” snapped Bertram, rapidly losing patience. “Lieutenant Pinker has been delayed at Twing Hall and will not be coming to the parade, sir”.

Twing Hall was the residence of Major-General Bracegirdle Q. Kenwood-Chef at Loose-Chippings, a village north of Much-Piddling. Kenwood-Chef had taken up residence there after the Great War and he and Snapcase had become near-neighbours. There was a big scandal brewing locally and the villagers of Loose-Chippings had more gossip circulating than they would have liked. Much-Piddling matrons were enjoying the chance to warn their daughters about the dangers of associating with Loose-Chippings’ bachelors. “You’ll come to no-good, them Loose-Chippings folk have always had low moral standards, you mark my words, missy!”

In 1939, just before the outbreak of war, Kenwood-Chef had divorced his wife of long-standing, Countess Gertrude Sepulchrave and announced his intention of marrying Consuela Banana-Hammock, his Venezuelan house-keeper. ‘Stinker’ Pinker had been tasked to officiate at the wedding which was due to take place in December 1940 and was currently detained at Twing Hall in vital discussions about decorating the church with Venezuelan flags and flor de Mayo.

Just then, there hove in sight an Austin 7 transporting the august personage of Sir Douglas D’Emfore, the MP for Mid-Devon. Snapcase immediately put an end to the impromptu ‘brew-up’ in the Snapcase Hall grounds and paraded his platoon at the Hall gates to welcome the first of the visiting dignitaries. A very important day in the history of Much-Piddling had begun.

                                    To be continued...