The Case of ‘Swiss’ Tony’s Thumb and the Lady Mayoress

This is the start of an on-line game I am running for Doug em4 and Vagabond. Doug has appropriately taken the part of the big-time gangster 'Swiss' Tony Cowie and Vagabond is playing the part of hard-bitten Sweeny commander, DCI Frank Hawley. The preamble has been posted below and the game will start in the next couple of days.

In the meantime, here are some photos of the Cowie Firm. Not all can be revealed at present as parts of the game remain opaque to the participants.

L to R: Terry Shortcake, Dinsdale Piranha, 'Swiss' Tony, Doug Piranha, Verne Cocklecarrot

Verne is Tony’s hitman. Verne started his career as a psychopath at an early age. Firstly by pulling the wings off insects, then tying fireworks to cats’ tails, he finally graduated in his teens to setting fire to sleeping tramps, well ‘Mariah Carey’.

Doug and Dinsdale are Tony’s minders, their favourite trick, nailing people’s heads to the floor!

“Presenter: One small-time operator who fell foul of Dinsdale Piranha was Vince Snetterton-Lewis.

Vince: Well one day I was at home threatening the kids when I looks out through the hole in the wall and sees this tank pull up and out gets one of Dinsdale's boys, so he comes in nice and friendly and says Dinsdale wants to have a word with me, so he chains me to the back of the tank and takes me for a scrape round to Dinsdale's place and Dinsdale's there in the conversation pit with Doug and Charles Paisley, the baby crusher, and two film producers and a man they called 'Kierkegaard', who just sat there biting the heads off whippets and Dinsdale says 'I hear you've been a naughty boy Clement' and he splits me nostrils open and saws me leg off and pulls me liver out and I tell him my name's not Clement and then... he loses his temper and nails me head to the floor.”

L to R: Frank 'Snorter' Bough, Bifferidge 'Biffa' Bacon, Bertie 'Knuckles' Strangelove, Eric 'Brains' Daft

L to R: Otis 'The Enforcer' Spunkmeyer, ex-Major Crispin Carshalton Cadwallader

Otis ‘The Enforcer’ Spunkmeyer is originally from the famous baking family but Otis got in with the wrong crowd. Very tasty in a ruck! ex-Major Crispin Carshalton Cadwallader (note the Guards tie) was cashiered from the Coldstream Guards after it was discovered he was embezzling the Mess Funds.

Dame Christabell Wickham QC was last seen being bundled in to a Pickfords Dormobile with a sack over her head.

The Cowie Firm checking out the environs of Snapcase Hall.

Some more members of the Firm, not yet mentioned. In the red top left of Mimsie is Elsie Tanner, a local tom. Elsie grew up on the council estate and was very popular at Gasforth Secondary Modern (when she wasn’t bunking off)! She acts as a look-out for ‘Swiss’ Tony’s hide-out, she’s a natural for standing around on street corners. She’s holding her hands in that rather odd position because she’s saying “I ‘ad a ruby last night, must ‘ave been dodgy, I’ve got a right nasty case of Tia Maria!”

Right of Doug Piranha is ‘Camp’ Freddie who you will of course, remember from the Italian Job. Camp Freddie looked after Mr Bridger's operations outside of jail. Camp Freddie now works for ‘Swiss’ Tony and is ‘brain’ rather than brawn! Freddie is seen here wearing his purple crushed-velvet suit, blue suede shoes and sipping a Crème de Menthe.

Right of 'Camp' Freddie is Dame Christabelle Wickham QC, Lady Mayoress of Gasforth. She was abducted on her way home from a Charity Ball, hence the evening gown.