The Case of 'Swiss' Tony's Thumb and the Lady Mayoress - Turn 7

All hell breaks loose in the hallway! You have to imagine all of this is happening at the same time. It took me some time to work through it.

PC Bob Lewis who is nearest to ‘Swiss’ charges forward with a cry of “You’re nicked, my son!”. Unfortunately, ‘Swiss’, who has just shot Gently and before that DC Windsor calmly takes aim and Lewis is down (does this mean he won’t be Morse’s assistant in the future?). ‘Swiss’ Tony backs away from the corridor, still facing the bodies.

Unheard by Tony, Inspector Raymond Fowler appears from a door behind Tony (the Study) and is about to strike with his truncheon as Grim appears from the Billiard Room.

‘Swiss’ Tony is now alone in the main hallway (I’ll come to Otis later) surrounded by coppers. In fact, 11 live ones to be precise and three dead coppers. “You won’t take me alive, coppers!” shouts Tony. Grim shouts to Fowler, “It is my arse on the line and I will not have you sticking your nose in and sniffing about!”.

Surrounded by the long arm of the law, Tony is defiant to the last, “stitch this, you fucking woodentops!” he ejaculates as the thin blue line draws ever tighter around him.

Grims shoots and Fowler strikes and ‘Swiss’ Tony, a legend in his own lunchtime, falls to the floor gasping, "made it, Ma! Top of the world!"

Well, everything may seem a bit of an anti-climax after that drama but there are no fat ladies in sight at the moment, singing or otherwise, so the game continues.

Whilst Fowler chose to go through the door into the hallway and take part in the demise of ‘Swiss’ Tony, PC Kevin Goody has stumbled onto the whole point of the game, Dame Christabelle Wickham QC, the Lady Mayoress of Gasforth.

Whilst Goody dithers about, trying to extract his truncheon from a pocket full of Spangles and Crunchie wrappers, Major Cadwallader takes a shot at Goody. The Lady Mayoress manages to knock his arm just as he shoots and the bullet takes the top off of Goody’s helmet. Should one be looking for it, a faint odour of urine now arises from Goody's uniform trouser area.

Otis Spunkmeyer gets a shot in at PC Luther but misses, Luther, Smith and Dixon charge in and batter poor Otis to the floor.

...meanwhile, out in the back garden, we return to the never-ending ruck with Jason King. Elsie Tanner, armed with her ammonia spray and Doug Piranha, armed with a pickaxe handle advance on King. “Ave some of this, ponce” grunts Doug.

The doyen of Department S gets off one shot and Elsie is hit. “Bastard” she cries as she drops and Doug goes in, swinging his pickaxe handle. King’s crowbar is no defence against Doug Piranha in a rage and King breathes his last. In memory of his brother Dinsdale, Doug nails Jason’s head to the floor!

Dawkins opens the door to the Ballroom. Gladstone tries to block the back door but its already locked. Hawley and Tennison head to the main hall area.

Bertie 'Knuckles' Strangelove, Bifferidge 'Biffa' Bacon, Verne Cocklecarrot and Terry Shortcake having penetrated the back passage, now enter the Hall via the Conservatory.

To be continued...