Nobody expects.....

Animated titles. Music: Black Dyke Mills Band playing a slow dirge.

Stock shot of mill town at the turn of the century - at night.

SUBTITLE: 'JARROW - NEW YEAR'S EVE 1911'

SUBTITLE: 'JARROW 1912'

Mix through to mill-owner's opulent sitting room at the turn of the century. Lady Mountback sits with her crochet. There is a knock on the door.

Lady Mountback Come in.

Enter Reg, cap in hand.

Reg Trouble at mill.

Lady Mountback Oh no. What sort of trouble?

Reg One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treddle.

Lady Mountback Pardon?

Reg One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treddle.

Lady Mountback I don't understand what you're saying.

Reg (slightly irritatedly and with exaggeratedly clear accent) One of the cross beams has gone out askew on the treddle.

Lady Mountback Well what on earth does that mean?

Reg I don't know. Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

Jarring chord. The door flies open and Cardinal Ximinez of Spain enters, flanked by two junior cardinals. Cardinal Biggles has goggles pushed over his forehead. Cardinal Fang is just Cardinal Fang.

Ximinez Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our four...no... amongst our weapons.... amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again. (exit and exeunt)